one-time offer

January 10, 2008

She hollered after me as I was walking out the office door this afternoon, on my way to check on another resident: “Look what I found–I thought I’d never find one of these!” I stopped and went back to hear about this exciting find–Was it a set of amazing Ginsu knives? Or maybe a special one-time-offer-only 43 compartment, key ring included patent leather pocketbook?
She held up a plastic tube that resembled a skinny umbrella case with a zipper. Ceremonially unzipping it, she whipped out a shiny plastic rod, holding it by its rubberized handle.
I smiled at her expectantly, waiting to be wowed and having absolutely no clue as to what exactly this gadget was . . .
Apparently anticipating my ignorance, she wheeled closer and launched into a salesman’s pitch: “You see, it’s for those of us who don’t have such good mobility in our arms anymore. You put the paper through this notch–it tells you how in the instruction book–and then you reach down and . . .
[this is when I realized I hadn’t seen everything yet, even in 5 months on the job]
. . . you wipe your *** with it.
She generously demonstrated the operation, even the “front” and “back” dual purpose, and then rolled around to find another recipient of her good tidings.
And I watched her wheel away, pondering my good fortune in the world of gadget introductions . . .

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