if all be failure
February 14, 2012
“What if all be failure—I have no fear.—If only one family—if only one little unhappy child is made happy with the love of Jesus, tell me, will it not be worth us giving all for that . . .?
Once again, I find the words of Mother Theresa to be both inspiring and comforting. Today I face the same challenges as usual for these workdays: the need for stamina through the sometimes-too-much of daily responsibilities . . . the need for patience with little ones—and with not-so-little youth . . . the need for wisdom in the midst of future uncertainty. But today there was a bit more inner peace in the midst of it. Not due to any practical resolutions—or not that I can tell, at least. Due rather, I can only assume, to my waking this morning with a determination to spend the day seeking Him, and beseeching Him, for the guidance that has been promised. I have nothing to give, in and of myself; this truth is one that is hammered into my stubborn will daily . . . hourly . . . moment-ly, as I take one baby step at a time. I lose my patience, in spite of my determination to have the patience of . . . Mother Theresa? I react rashly, in spite of my determination to be slow, and deliberate, in my actions. I respond emotionally, in spite of my determination to respond with rational wisdom.
But the promise is that I am under His guidance no matter how much of a failure any given part of my days may be. So today I taught my classes and interacted with my students. I evaluated art projects and instructed in portrait drawing. And later, in the slower pace of after-school activities, I enjoyed low-key crafts with the youngest ones of the school. One of them asked me if we could go out to the playground again, as we had yesterday. “Sure,” I said, anxious myself to get outside while the sun shone. I stood watching the children play, in a patch of twilight sun. It shone so brightly on my face that I didn’t even feel the cold anymore: my warm cheeks seemed to radiate heat to the rest of my bundled up parts. Agreeing to a request to for swing-pushing services, I smiled at the pure joy of children in the snow. Time stood gloriously still, and I gave thanks.
If all be failure? Yes, it will be worth it all . . .