the first step

August 7, 2013

I’ve been here before. In a swirling sea of a job that feels beyond me: beyond my scope of abilities. I don’t like this feeling! For the past two days, the worst part of it is that I haven’t known how to tackle the hugeness of it, so I have not felt I’ve been able to be productive. I’ve been running about somewhat madly, for sure, but not completing anything worthwhile . . . or, more precisely, not doing the important things. This sort of busyness is the sort that does random things that I can think of to do, in an attempt to soothe myself with some remnant of productivity when I know that I am avoiding the real issues. But, like I said, I’ve been here before. And somehow, I have always managed to get past this stage, and to move on to a better place of [productive] being.
“So,” I find myself wondering, “why am I so upset about my level of stress?”
Well this morning I had a realization. I haven’t trusted my own experience, and have put undue pressure on myself to know—instantly—everything I will need to get done this year. But the realization I had is that this is not the way it works . . . not the way I work, at least. I work in steps. One step at a time. And I never know it all immediately. Rather, if I slow down—pause and take a deep breath instead of just trying to move faster and work harder—then I can think more clearly. And when I do so, I have light bulbs go off in my brain, normally related to the one thing I need to start with. The first step. Because the first step leads to the second step. The second leads to the third. And so on.
Today I know my first step. That’s all I know. My library will need a whole lot of steps in order to get anywhere near where it needs to be, but for now, the first step will have to do.
After one of today’s meetings, I snagged a couple of cute-footed coworkers to take some photo-worthy steps with me . . . because it always helps to have company along the walking way ☺


2 Responses to “the first step”

  1. Susan said

    Hi Anna,

    Well, you have found your first steps out of the chaos mode, and are now defining time in a more manageable stride, so glad! We all need to make those adjustments at times! I hooe this pace is more enjoyable and I am excited to think of you in the library! Wonderful and I so enjoyed the earlier post as well. Please keep sharing life with us!

  2. TJ said

    Great words as I am getting ready for a busy fall and not knowing where to begin in planning. Thanks for sharing. Praying that your steps will be blessed.

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