August 14, 2013
Tonight I got lost. I spent a harrowing hour biking along smoggy, truck-filled thoroughfares blindly, madly, back and forth, with that sick feeling of being alone in a place where I cannot read the road signs or communicate with the people. It was my own fault, really. In my efforts to compensate for my work-related stresses, I tried to cope by proving myself: by proving that I can figure things out and tackle the challenges that this life throws at me. I wanted to be self-sufficient. I wanted to be competent. And I was overly confident from the evening I had before, when a spontaneous post-work venture had proven to be such a blessing.
Tonight was my weekly ladies’ study. When I learned my travel companion was running late, we decided I would head out by myself. As she was newly motorized, I could get a head start on her and then she’d meet me closer to where we were heading. I knew the way, partly, and figured by the time I got to where I was less confident, she’d have found me.
The only problem was that I took a wrong turn. So she got to our meeting place and I never did. It was not a pleasant hour of my life. I actually wondered if I might meet an untimely end there amidst the smog and city madness. But it all turned out ok. My friend was patient, talking to me at various points along the way until we managed to find each other.
“You still up for study?” she asked upon our happy [if sheepish on my part] reunion. I nodded. If you are, I added, explaining that at this point I was just going to be following her lead. We rolled in, an hour and a half late, to be greeted by cheers.
An hour later, I cried as I admitted my insecurities, and my pride, to be affirmed by love and acceptance in that roomful of women. God loves us to much to leave us where we are. When we come to a breaking point, He lifts us up with gentle potter’s hands. The pieces that are put back together might not be perfect . . . but they are His.
*This bike ride included no photo-op stops ;-)